things that hallmark cards don't say ..

Category: Joke Board

Post 1 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Thursday, 10-Nov-2005 12:21:48

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

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I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

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Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

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We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

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I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

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Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

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So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

Post 2 by Resonant (Find me alive.) on Thursday, 10-Nov-2005 13:36:00

Rofl! I've never heard those before. Teehee.

Post 3 by HauntedReverie (doing the bad mango) on Monday, 14-Nov-2005 13:47:34

cool, but may I offer some advice? kill the dashes ok? JAWS is murder reading them.
yay, I liked it though

Post 4 by OrangeDolphinSpirit (Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?) on Wednesday, 16-Nov-2005 17:36:08

Rofl. Those were amusing ... I haven't seen them before. Where'd you get 'em from?

Post 5 by fuzzy101 (The master of fuzz!!) on Sunday, 13-Aug-2006 23:50:00

I'd like to get some of these cards.

Post 6 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Monday, 14-Aug-2006 14:27:37

Now, you've got the makings of a new company: the unhalmark card.

I agree, get rid of the dashes, jaws reads every damned one of them.

But keep posting stuff as funny as this, with or without dashes.

Bob

Post 7 by julians mom (Veteran Zoner) on Tuesday, 15-Aug-2006 20:04:02

i loved those you should send those in i know a few people who could use them